Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
