She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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