Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
