the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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