So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
