I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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