Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
