When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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