If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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