They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
