I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
