this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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