so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
