Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am naked and annoyed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
