if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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