Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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