dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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