I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
