Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
