Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
