So drunk its hurt
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
