I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
