I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
