how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
