Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize