my phone needs a breathalizer
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
