Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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