are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
