just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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