I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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