WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
