Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
