I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
