Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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