Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We need a shit load of segways right now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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