im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
