I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
