I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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