why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
