You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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