too bad you live with your parents still
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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