there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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