I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
