What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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