can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
