the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
