please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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