I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
