Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
