Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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