What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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