Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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