Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she pinky promised me she was 18
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
