I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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