i think i have two assholes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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