woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
