oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
