i think my tv is drunk
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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