It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
