Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
