Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my liver is dry heaving
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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