Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need water and some morals
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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