I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
