Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
