walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
