how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
