It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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