also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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