Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
