I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I want is dick and wine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
